I Hate You, but Love You So Much
by Ink Pens
Summary: All my life I've had it bad, loosing mate after mate, until I found one I adored, but one day I stumbled upon 'them' play fighting and I couldn't take it, I lost it.. (Warning, if you are sensitive to cussing, please do not read this, as there is a fair amount.)


Hi Everybody! Welcome to my first ever story! Yea, I know I just now came out of the blue but I didn't want to begin publishing stories that had nothing to do with anything.

Graystripe: Why must you torture me in this story?

Me:Shut up fluffy, I don't care how much you hate it, it's mine.

Graystripe:But-

Me:Anyway let's get the ball rolling. Erin Hunter owns the cat, I own the story.

* * *

"I-I thought." My amber eyes widened as I watched a baffled Firestar and an angered Sandstorm as they untangled themselves from their play fighting. Tears started up under my eyelids as I took a step back swallowing my sadness down. As much as I hated him right now, I still loved him deep down.

"Graystripe." Firestar said softly taking a step towards me, surprise and sympathy in his eyes. I choked on my own grief turning and fleeing. "Graystripe!" Firestar yowled at me, I felt his eyes watching me as I ran. I heard Firestar growl deeply but I was too sad to give a shit about him giving a chase. I pushed my claws into the ground pushing my acceleration speed. I ran faster tears flowing towards my ears at how fast I was running. First Silverstream was taken away from me when she birthed my kits, Stormfur and Feathertail. Then Millie died of greencough a few moons ago. Briarlight, Bumblestripe, and Blossomfall, fucking hate me, all because I let there mother die, without letting them say goodbye. Now Firestar didn't love me, hell, I knew he didn't. My claws scraped the bottom of the river catching pebbles between my claws. I winced but streaked on towards the Highstones. I collapsed at the abandon Twoleg nest, tears streaking leaving a dark trail down my fury cheeks.

Fuck Sandstorm. I thought darkly curling up into a tiny ball whimpering slightly. I had the toned, fiery, handsome leader between my paws like a mouse, but I let him slip. All because of that bitch. I thought my eyes squinting squeezing the tears out that were threatening to spill over anyway. I heard soft pawsteps nearing the nest and I tensed, feeling my hair rising on my spine. "Graystripe." A faint whisper grazed across my ear and I turned my head slightly seeing the ghostly figure of Millie standing there. "Graystripe." She said again wrapping her tail around me smiling. "I've missed you." She smiled leaning down to lick the bridge of my nose.

I cried, I bawled my eyes out leaning on my dead mate. "I've lost everything I've ever loved. Everything." I whispered quietly. She leaned down licking me between my ears.

"You still have our kits." She smiled softly. Her tail rubbed over my back.

I bristled lightly, remembering the time when Bumblestripe nearly killed me. "No." I said darkly. "I don't, they fucking hate me, with all their guts." I meowed solemnly. I growled softly and lowered my head to my claws seeing them sink into the ground, feeling a new burst of sadness flow through my head and out my tail.

"Graystripe, there just sad, they lost the only-"

"The only what! The only person who loves them? Bullshit!" I hissed loudly jumping away from her glaring darkly. "I gave them the world and they never gave a damn about it!" I screamed, my voice carrying throughout the nest. Millie's eyes softened.

"Graystripe, I didn't mean it like-"

"Shut the fuck up and get out of my sight." I snarled.

"But Graystripe..."

"Get out of my goddamn sight!" I screamed launching myself at the dead cat I once called my mate. Her eyes widened and she faded, just like that.

I stood, my ears flicking at a new sound. The sound of my own wailing. "Firestar!" I collapsed sobbing.

I wanted it to end, I wanted my life to end, just to die. But my heart said other wise. A slender body slithered around mine warming my insides up. I flinched digging my claws into the ground when a tender tongue licked my ear. I shuddered and pulled my head up to meet Firestar's. He pressed his nose to mine, his tongue swiping the bottom of my jaw. "Oh Graystripe, I-I'm so sorry for hurting you like this." He whispered softly. I let a small purr escape my throat as he licked my jaw line tangling his tail around my own.

I hissed softly when Firestar bit my ear roughly returning to licking it shortly after. I looked deep into those dark pools of green smiling softly. I frowned at Firestar ruffling up my fur. "Firestar, stop." I meowed fiercely crawling out from his warm grasp. It was bad enough it was Leaf Bare. "I-If you're going to continue to cheat on me with Sandstorm, t-then." I stopped dead when I lay beneath Firestar's muscular body.

"Shut up Graystripe." He said softly nuzzling his muzzle into my neck. "I left Sandstorm, told her off and watched as she went back to camp." He murmured softly. "I have to ask you this one thing, and don't laugh at me or anything."

I nodded softly. "Sure."

"When you got taken by the Twolegs, I was devastated, but it was when I appointed you deputy that I realized I had this deep feeling for you." He said softly.

"Oh Firestar." I whispered, my eyes glistening with tears. "I loved you the moment I set eyes on you." I whispered softly.

"Then Graystripe, will you be my mate?" He whispered, his eyes digging into my own.

"Oh Firestar, I've wanted to be your mate since day one." I whispered licking him across his jaw. He smiled softly. "Yes, just yes." I whispered.

For hours it seemed we lay there talking of anything that sparked, we groomed each other, and eventually we got up and hunted. I picked up two thursh's and a small vole tangling my tail around Firestar's as we made our way back to camp. I stopped dead when I saw Sandstorm crying on her daughter, Squirrelflight's shoulder. "You." Squirrelflight snarled lunging for me. I jumped thrusting my paws in the air matching Squirrelflight blow for blow, her claws slipped out and she got me across the head causing me to slip and fall crying out in pain, she then pinned me down raising her claws up again.

"Stop!" Firestar snarled headbutting his daughter down. She hit the ground, the impact making her lose her breath. "Enough. I have chosen Graystripe as my mate and if you don't like it. Get out."

Leafpool spoke up softly. "Father. I support you, not all relationships last." She murmured, glancing back to look at her sons, Lionblaze and Jayfeather. I smiled, at least someone accepted us.

"Thanks Leafpool." I murmured and leaned against my mate licking my chest fur.

"No problem Graystripe, anything for the cat my dad loves." She whispered.

I smiled softly and glanced around the clan, everyone seemed to accept us and no one put up a fight.

I followed Firestar into his den. I curled up on the soft moss smiling as Firestar curled around me warming me up. "I love you Firestar." I purred and lay my head down falling into a peaceful sleep.

"I love you too." He whispered softly and soon he was asleep.

* * *

Wasn't that emotional or what? Please review, and any of you people, you sharks, be nice why don't cha I worked hard on this.


End file.
